


But Without You, I am Afraid I'll Fall

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling, I dont know what else to tag this with, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, M/M, Sort of? - Freeform, boys being stupid, i imagined them with long hair in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I just- I love you. You say you feel the same, but sometimes it's just not enough and I'm doubting if you even do. Because, if you did, why wouldn't you just say it no matter what?”-Zayn's scared to say it. Louis tries to be okay with that.





	But Without You, I am Afraid I'll Fall

Louis is fucked out on what he's claimed as “his” side of the bed. Zayn can see him even in the dull moonlight coming in from the window. His skin is hot, flushed, and glistening with a thin layer of sweat. The strands of wispy brown hair spread out over the pillow. He's got a beautiful lazy smile on his face with a cigarette dangling from his small fingers that hang off the edge of the bed.

Zayn believes he's the most beautiful sight he's ever seen.

 

After taking a drag from the cigarette, smoke pouring from his lips, Louis says, “I'm in love with you.” 

 

The way he says it is in a whisper, as if it's a secret. He knows Louis doesn't hold it as a secret though. If Louis could tell the world how in love he was with Zayn, Zayn knows he would. He knows that Louis whispers it to keep the quiet on nights like this. They've both had ultimately shit days, rough sex and now they're basking in each other.

 

Zayn, taking the cig from Louis and kissing his jaw lightly says, “I know.” The cigarette hangs from his lips while he tugs Louis closer into his side. The moonlight illuminates his features now, directly on both of them.

It was never that way until Louis started coming around more and decided that he wanted the bed pushed against the window so he could crawl onto Zayn’s side in the morning with his tea in hand to write while the sunlight shone down on him. So, naturally, Zayn pushed the bed to the window and got some amazing pictures of Louis’ back.

 

Louis lays his head on Zayn's chest. He looks as if he's thinking, nose scrunched up slightly. Zayn can only brace himself for what he thinks may be a goodbye or an, ‘I'm tired of waiting.’ Because, yes, Louis deserves better. He deserves someone that can be confident about the fact that he's in love with him. Zayn just _can't_ _be_. He knows he's in love with him- that he loves him. It's just _scary_ , falling in love is.

Louis, he's different. He's got his heart on his sleeve. His emotions are laid out bluntly for everyone to see. It's in the lyrics when he writes, the pencil and paper holding the heaviness of whatever emotion he's pouring out. He's loud and bold and says what he feels while Zayn's reserved, looking at people with judging faces that Louis could somehow read and say what he was thinking. 

 

“Do you think you'll ever be able to say it back then?” 

 

The question hits Zayn hard. There's clear sadness heavy in Louis’ voice, but the question comes out with a snort to make it sound lighter than what it is. That's like Louis. He knows how prominent his emotions are, yeah. That doesn't stop him from trying to mask over them with slight humor. It doesn't really work on Zayn. 

He's told him though, is the thing, Zayn's told Louis that he feels the same. But, he's also told him he can't really say it. That he's deathly afraid of saying something like  _ that _ to Louis, something so intimate. He's scared of Louis leaving and never coming back after he says it. Louis’ been telling him he isn't going anywhere since a month ago when he'd first told Zayn he's in love with him. It helps little. There's still a voice in his head telling him no matter what he does, Louis  _ will _ leave, because that's what everyone does.

 

“Louis, you know I do- I just.. We talked about this, didn't we?” Zayn stammers slightly, stubbing the cigarette out on the window sill and trying to sit up as soon as Louis moves away from him and sits up with his back facing Zayn.  “Just, please. You know I don't- I  _ can't _ . If you don't want to do this anym-”

 

“But, I'm not leaving, Zayn. I don't get it.” Louis said sharply, muscles in his back tensing up. He watches the boy's head shake a bit, “I just- I love you. You say you feel the same, but sometimes it's just not  _ enough _ and I'm doubting if you even do. Because, if you did, why wouldn't you just say it no matter what?” 

 

Zayn doesn't respond. He feels like he can't say anything to stop this. It feels like Louis is leaving him- whatever this is and he can't stand it. He barely chokes out, “Louis.” It's quiet and slightly broken.

 

It's enough to make Louis rub his hands over his face. Zayn watches him turn around, grip his jaw and pull him in for a kiss that burns more than his throat does. 

 

“I know. I get it. We talked about it.” He says, thumbing over the scruff on Zayn's jaw. He gives a closed lipped smile that has a bit of the same sadness that he'd asked the question with attached to it. He let's go of Zayn's jaw, running his fingers through his hair. “We’ll figure it out. I love you.” 

 

Zayn fish mouths after Louis says, “I'm gonna take a shower. M’all sticky. Gross.” He grumbles. 

 

Usually, he'd be jumping up to join him, ready for another round. Though, shower sex has never gone well for them- Louis whines about being cold but doesn't want the water in his face or on just one part of his body- they can never seem to keep their hands off of each other. 

He doesn't move though, not now, trying to once again convince himself that Louis won't leave like he says he won't. He sits up against the window, back sticky with sweat. 

 

When Louis comes back, Zayn's got his boxers back on, just finishing changing the sheets. 

 

The older drops his towel from around his waist and rummages through Zayn's shirt drawer. He takes out a black Spider-Man t-shirt that he's sure is his. He lets it slide for now though, slipping it over his head anyway, “Gonna shower tonight?” 

Zayn only shakes his head with a small grunt, laying back on the bed with the sheets pulled up lazily to his waist. Chewing on his bottom lip, he reaches his hand out when Louis looks at him. A smile spreads across the blue eyed boy’s face as he takes Zayn's hand and slides into bed beside him.

 

He shifts into position, patting Zayn’s thigh, “Turn ‘round. On your side.” 

 

Zayn huffs quietly as he turns on his side, always insisting he hated being the little spoon. Louis knows that's a lie though. His arms wrap tight around Zayn, nuzzling into the back of his neck and taking a breath with his eyes closed.

“I love you, okay? No matter what.” He whispers reassuringly, hand smoothing over Zayn's stomach gently.

 

Zayn only nods, eyes closing. He breathes in deeply, exhaling out shakily. Louis is everything to him. If he left, Zayn wouldn't know what to do. For now though, Zayn is here, tangled in Louis’ arms and Louis is still here. He hasn't left. So, Zayn whispers, “Love you, too.”  

 

It's not much to Zayn. It's a voice in the back of his head telling him he's an idiot for saying that, that Louis is sure to leave first thing in the morning and never come back. Louis just grips him tighter though and Zayn doesn't even have to turn to know he's smiling wider than he ever has. 

 

Louis doesn't say anything after that for five minutes until, “And I'm taking this shirt back to my flat with me. Thanks for stealing it, prick.” 

Zayn just snorts, holding Louis’ hand tight.

“Whatever you say, baby.” 

 

And they're not okay yet. He knows that. They still have things to talk about and work out the problems. He knows they're gonna make it right though. It always works out that way.

 

Zayn falls asleep with the feeling of Louis’ arms tight around him with a silent promise and three words on his tongue.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, kudos and comments are appreciated! ((:


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